


Let Go

by grosskaneki



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Bladder shyness, Cuddling, Desperation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, M/M, Omorashi, Pants wetting, Road Trips, Wetting, hide is best bf, kanekis a soft baby who is trying his very best, lots of comfort and snuggles, maybe????
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-25
Updated: 2016-06-25
Packaged: 2018-07-18 02:37:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7296145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grosskaneki/pseuds/grosskaneki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was only one thing distracting him from enjoying the otherwise perfect day. It was a rather dumb and childish problem, but a problem nonetheless, and it had pretty much everything to do with all the drinks he'd had from the café while wandering the store.</p><p>Kaneki really, <i>really</i> had to pee.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let Go

**Author's Note:**

> this is some sort of au bc they can't just take a road trip for no reason and also im Acutely aware that this fic is a) terrible and b) geographically inaccurate but. yknow. Kaneki wetting himself

Kaneki _should_ have been having fun.

He was on his way back from a long road trip; he and Hide had gone to Kaneki's favorite store, a combination café/bookstore that carried first editions, antiques, and signed copies and was a few hours out of town. Hide had put up with his endless browsing and rambling about classic novels, and even bought him a few lattes. Kaneki was incredibly grateful—he'd been giving Hide quick little kisses every few minutes since they'd arrived, despite being in public—and generally elated; he'd had a wonderful time and there were stacks and stacks of books in the backseat of the beat-up sedan.

There was only one thing distracting him from enjoying the otherwise perfect day. It was a rather dumb and childish problem, but a problem nonetheless, and it had pretty much everything to do with all the drinks he'd had from the café while wandering the store.

Kaneki really, _really_ had to pee.

By the time he'd noticed, he and Hide had already left the bookstore and Kaneki wasn't about to make him turn around. Normally, he made sure to use the bathroom every chance he got—his bladder was sort of embarrassingly small—but he'd been so wrapped up in browsing and reading that it seemed that he'd forgotten. And now he was paying for it, dearly. He shifted nervously in his seat, gripping the fabric of his sweater tightly, the seatbelt pressing uncomfortably into his bladder and forcing him to hold back whimpers. The car hit a bump and he gasped softly and pressed his legs together as tightly as he could; he was determined to hold it for as long as possible, and he didn't want to inconvenience Hide by making him pull over or find somewhere to stop. It wasn't _that_ bad, he reasoned with himself. He could wait until they got home, right...?

"Kaneki?" Hide reached for the radio, turning the blaring pop song down so they could hear each other. "Are you doing alright?"

 _Shit_ , he'd noticed—of course he had. Kaneki gave a shaky laugh, bringing his hand to his chin. "Yeah, I'm fine. J-just a little cramped, that's all..."

His voice had betrayed him by shaking, but Hide didn't seem to notice, though he did press his lips together in concern. He reached behind the seat and came back with a water bottle, handing it to Kaneki. "Stay hydrated, 'kay? I don't want you passing out again."

"Hide, that was _one time_ ," he muttered embarrassedly. He took a short sip, knowing he likely didn't have a choice, and almost immediately felt his desperation worsen—the sound of splashing liquid alone was making the urge ten times worse. Squirming where he sat, he bit his lip and curled his toes, trembling slightly, avoiding Hide's curious gaze. The car hit a bump and he whined quietly—though still audibly—and pressed his legs together, quick as a mousetrap snapping shut.

"Oh, Kaneki..." Hide's voice was gentle, slow. "Do you have to go to the bathroom...?"

"N-no!" Kaneki snapped, a little too quickly, his cheeks flushing red. "I'm not a kid, you don't have to remind me about s-stuff like that..."

Hide sighed, not unkindly, and offered a patient smile. "It's fine, y'know. I'm just asking. I can pull over if—" 

"I'm just—I'm not thirsty, okay?" He threw the bottle into the cupholder, then, struck by sudden guilt, removed it and replaced it much more carefully, ignoring Hide's endeared giggles. He wasn't sure _why_ he was so set on denying his desperation to Hide, but...it was embarrassing, and he felt like a kid just squirming around uncontrollably. Kaneki really didn't want to embarrass himself further by making Hide pull over to let him use the bathroom, but...it was starting to get more difficult for him to carry on a normal conversation, and he was no longer so sure he'd make it all the way home. He had to try, at least; he wasn't going to wet himself out of nowhere or whine about having to pee like a preschooler, he was (mostly) sure of that much.

"Just let me know if you wanna get out and stretch your legs, 'kay? We've got a few more hours before we get back." Hide offered a bright smile, guilting Kaneki enough into mumbling an embarrassed apology for snapping at him. He reached over and ruffled up his hair affectionately.

"'S alright." Hide reassured, then smirked flirtatiously. "We'll be home soon, and then we can do what _ever_ you want, Ka-ne-ki," he purred, drawing out the name just to watch Kaneki redden further.

"You mean read all my new books, you pervert." And find a bathroom, he mentally added, but he wasn't about to say that out loud. He smacked Hide's arm lightly, and the car swerved rather dangerously.

"Driving! I'm driving here!" he squawked, straightening the wheels frantically. "Careful, bookworm—'neki? Hey, 'neki? You okay?"

Kaneki gripped the fabric of his pants tightly in both fists, biting his lip and staring straight ahead, fighting the urge to whimper. As they'd swerved, the seatbelt had pressed sharply into his lower stomach, and all of a sudden it felt like all of the liquid in his bladder was trying to push its way out as soon as possible. It was almost unbearable, and he wanted nothing more than to shove his hands between his legs to stop himself up, but he could feel Hide staring at him, making him want to curl up and hide in humiliation.

"S-sorry. I'm— I'm fine," Kaneki eventually choked out, trembling, a whine falling from the back of his throat. He had to go _so_ bad and he wasn't sure how much longer he could deal with the fullness of his bladder—he was certain now that there was no way he'd make it home without soaking his clothes. He probably couldn't even hold it another thirty minutes.

"If you say so..." Hide gave him a glance that he couldn't quite decipher—there was sympathy there, but something else he wasn't sure of could definitely be seen in his eyes.

Kaneki avoided his gaze, squirming desperately, his teeth threatening to draw blood from his lip, if only to keep himself quiet. He crossed his legs one way, then the other, bouncing slightly, blushing completely red from need and the embarrassment of not being able to even sit still. He was so, so _desperate_ , but he clung just as stubbornly to what was left of his pride and dignity, until about ten seconds later.

Out of nowhere, it seemed as if the car was going over an awful lot of potholes and bumps, and the unexpected movement definitely took its toll on him.

With every lurch of the car, a desperate, whiny noise escaped and he leaked slightly, only able to helplessly press his thighs together as he uncontrollably dampened his underwear until he finally gave in and shoved his hands into his groin. Kaneki was whimpering out loud now, unable to look anywhere but down, trembling and bouncing and squirming and doing everything he could to avoid losing control entirely. He could feel Hide's eyes on him, and flinched, knowing he didn't have much of a choice but to admit what had probably been obvious for the past ten minutes.

"H-Hide, I—" he yelped quietly as the car hit another bump and a small wet spot formed on his pants— "I-I... I, um— I n-need to, u-um, use the bathroom..." Kaneki kept his head down, bracing himself for the inevitable 'I-told-you-so's and teasing that would surely follow. Before he knew it, he was babbling again, too desperate and nervous to even speak normally and probably only making things worse for himself: "I'm—I'm sorry, I should've just... I should have t-told you earlier, I—"

"Hey, hey, shhh..." He was stopped by the soothing touch of Hide's hand, gently rubbing his back in slow, calming circles. He hadn't even realized how close to tears he was, but Hide must've heard it in his voice, which was...even more childish and embarrassing, but still comforting, in a way. "Kaneki, it's _alright_. You're embarrassed, I get it. There isn't a shoulder here, so we can't pull over, but I'll see if there's anywhere we can stop soon, 'kay?"

Kaneki looked back up at his cheery, reassuring grin and straightened his back, sniffling quietly and giving a grateful nod with a facial expression that could almost be called a smile. Relieved that Hide had traded staring at him for focusing on the road signs, he continued to squirm in his seat, his hands between his legs, quiet whimpers escaping him every now and then. His breathing was growing shallow, and he removed one of his hands from its position between his thighs to unbutton his pants and loosen his seatbelt as subtly as he could manage, allowing himself the slightest bit of relief. Kaneki was doing his best to not show how bad his situation had gotten—he was trying not to worry Hide—but it was nearly impossible for him to stay still and quiet with how bad his urge was getting, and he couldn't help but tremble, fidget, and whine as he desperately tried to hold himself back.

Hearing a soft, discontent hum from Hide, Kaneki turned to him and made a quiet and anxious sound of confusion, finding actually speaking nearly impossible at the moment.

He sighed softly by way of response. "It looks like there isn't going to be anywhere to stop for about another hour." Hide was quiet for a moment, thinking, seemingly concerned. "Kaneki, I—I don't think it's healthy for you to hold it for that long. You know...?" He waited for Kaneki's confused, tentative nod before continuing. "So, if...if you want, if you're comfortable with it, you can just...y'know, let go. I swear I won't get mad," he reassured.

"N-no way." Kaneki's response was immediate, almost a reflex, but his face was suddenly burning a brighter scarlet than it was a moment ago. He pressed his hands harder into his groin, bouncing desperately. "I-I can't do that. I'm not a kid, Hide, I can ho— I, um..." He trailed off; he was about to continue with ' _I can hold it_ ', but...he wasn't so sure of that anymore. In fact, he was fairly sure that he _wouldn't_ be able to hold it, but wetting himself on _purpose_ —there was no way. He wasn't even sure he was physically capable of doing that, not with Hide right next to him, where he'd be able to see and hear him relieving himself in his pants like a child, where he'd probably make him freeze up with anxiety and embarrassment, rendering him unable to release, unable to alleviate the pressure in his bladder, no matter how desperately he wanted to empty it—no matter how badly he _needed_ to let go. He knew the feeling well—he was rather bladdershy—and he hated it.

"Kaneki, it's _fine_. I won't think any less of you if you do that." Hide looked away for a moment, and Kaneki, through the haze of urgency, swore he could see pink dust his freckled cheeks. "It just—it seems like you have to go really bad, and I don't want you to hurt yourself. That's all, alright? I don't want you to be uncomfortable." Reaching over and coaxing Kaneki's arm to his side, he gave his hand a quick squeeze, offering a sheepish smile. "Do whatever you're comfy with, okay? Just...remember, I won't get mad or anything if you, y'know—"

"Sh-shut up." Kaneki's face was approaching the color of a tomato, and he let go of Hide's hand in favor of shoving both hands deep into his crotch, leaning forward and trembling, bouncing on his heels and biting back a whine. "S-sorry, it's just...please stop talking about that, it's making it worse..."

Hide murmured a soft apology of his own, ruffling his hair gently, soothingly. "Let me know if you need anything, okay?" His tone was surprisingly gentle, and Kaneki was partially embarrassed at being treated sort of like a child and partially grateful for Hide's gentle warmth, reassurance, and positivity.

He whimpered quietly, and immediately averted his eyes, ashamed at having broken the silence; he couldn't help it, though, couldn't keep whimpers from escaping his lips despite how frantically he was trying to stay quiet. It was impossible to hold back the soft, needy whines and his bladder at the same time. He had to go _so_ bad; surely he'd reached some sort of limit, based on how desperately he was squirming and how hard his hands were jammed into his crotch—

Just as soon as he thought that, he lost control—just a spurt, just for a moment—and let out a shaky gasp, growing more anxious and frantic. He held harder, trying desperately to keep it in, but kept leaking, and it was starting to soak through his pants, and he'd never been more desperate or more embarrassed in his life than at the present moment, he was sure.

Another spurt dampened the seat slightly, and that was the last straw for him. Kaneki had to piss so bad it _hurt_. His bladder was so achingly full, and he wanted nothing more than to just relieve all the pressure, but he _couldn't_ , and he couldn't hold it anymore, either; he was rigid, trembling, biting his lip, his hands shoved between his shaking thighs but barely able to hold himself back. He felt so pathetic, so weak, but he just couldn't hold it in for another second.

"H-Hide..." Kaneki's voice shook against his will. "I-is it...really okay, if I— i-if I..." He trailed off, unable to even admit that he needed to piss so bad, he was actually willing to wet his pants on purpose just for relief—the idea of being so childish was humiliating to even think about, let alone say aloud.

"Of course, hon." Hide smiled patiently, reaching over and lightly rubbing his shoulder in reassurance. Kaneki felt the slightest bit of shame melt away at Hide's nonchalance and use of the term of endearment, even as he felt a little more leak out uncontrollably, dampening his thighs and staining his pants noticeably.

"C-can you please, um...look away?" he managed to choke out, already feeling himself freeze up, and Hide immediately complied to his quiet request as Kaneki, avoiding his eyes, tried his best to focus on anything but his situation and the presence of another person next to him. 

Maybe if he just let out a _little_ , he reasoned, his bladder wouldn't be quite so unbearably, embarrassingly full, and he'd be able to preserve (most of) his dignity until they got home. With that in mind, he gathered his resolve, reminding himself that Hide wasn't going to get mad at him for wetting the seat a little, and, with a nervous sigh, relaxed his muscles, just a bit, and tried not to look as his own urine dampened his pants and the seat.

The problem was, it seemed, that once he let go, he couldn't _stop_ —his bladder was so full that it seemed his body was determined to go against his wishes, and he lost control entirely, letting out a shaky gasp as he, completely involuntarily, relieved himself where he sat.

Kaneki shook with anxiety and the effort of trying to hold himself back to no avail, his hands moving to hide his face as he soaked his clothes and the seat entirely. He could hear piss streaming into his pants and soaking the seat underneath him, uncomfortably sticky and wet and warm, and felt droplets trickling down his legs to the floor, and a sob that he'd tried to choke back escaped his lips—it was so _humiliating_. Here he was, at eighteen years old—a college student, an _adult_ —wetting his pants in the car because he'd forgotten to use the bathroom before they left. Kaneki pressed his thighs together in some sort of attempt to hide, and quickly regretted it as he felt how soaked they'd gotten in piss, how his bladder was _still_ emptying itself all down his legs, urine puddling on the seat and floor and flooding his pants and underwear. Despite himself, Kaneki sighed shakily, a long, soft sound that was almost a moan; he'd been _so_ desperate for what felt like _so_ long, and now that he was finally relieving himself, no matter how embarrassing the situation was, the sensation of release and relief was almost bliss.

As the stream trickled off, piss still dripping down his legs and off of his pants, he was left with his body trembling with anxiety, tears just starting to roll down his cheeks, sitting in a wet, cold, sticky puddle of his own mess; he couldn't even find the energy to stifle his humiliated sobs. He'd wet himself completely, wet _everything_. Certainly, he'd ruined the seat and possibly the floor for good, and he'd have to endure the whole way home in soiled, uncomfortably damp clothes.

"Kaneki, are you—" Hearing his quiet sniffles, Hide turned to him, his face immediately changing to an expression of sympathy and reassurance as he saw his boyfriend crying quietly, dripping with his own urine. "Oh, Kaneki, _honey..._ "

"I'm— I'm sorry," he whimpered, shaking with tears and anxiety, feeling disgusting and childish and awful. "I didn't mean to— i-it all just—"

"Kaneki. Kaneki, _look at me_."

He did so, and, to his surprise, saw no anger, no surprise, no disgust or mocking expression—nothing but concern and caring.

"Honey, it's _alright_. Remember, I told you that it's fine. I can clean it up. There's no problem at all." Hide reached over and stroked his hair softly, tracing a hand down his cheek and resting it on his shoulder, where he rubbed comforting, gentle circles. "Don't you feel better now?"

It took a long moment, but eventually, with shame in his voice, Kaneki admitted, "I... I do." And it was true, mostly; now that his bladder was finally, _finally_ empty—never mind that it had emptied itself accidentally and in his pants—he was far less tense, the incredible sensation of relief still lingering, the agonizing desperation finally gone.

"Then that's all that matters." Unable to lean over and kiss him (he was driving, after all), Hide blew his boyfriend a kiss with a playful wink, earning a tiny almost-smile.

"And you'll feel even better after we get you home and cleaned up and into some dry, comfy clothes, yeah?"

"...Y-yeah," Kaneki mumbled, sighing from a different kind of relief; Hide was treating him with such kind support and gentleness he felt he didn't deserve, but was getting anyway, and most of his anxiety was dissipating just from his caring words and soft, steady touch on his shoulder. "Thank you, Hide."

"No problem, my dear 'neki." He hummed affectionately, giving his hair one last ruffle before returning his attention to the road. "No problem at all."

* * *

As the sedan pulled to a jerky stop in its parking spot, Kaneki's spirits were considerably higher than earlier, but had still been dampened by the fact that he'd been sitting in a cold, wet puddle of urine and soiled clothes for the past hour or so. Hide had done his best to cheer him up, but not much could really be done while all the evidence of how gross and weak he was was laid out in front of him, staining all down his pants. Kaneki was, quite frankly, sort of miserable.

He climbed out, stifling a groan at how damp he was and the feeling of droplets still trickling down his legs; he was so unbearably uncomfortable, and knowing that it was his own fault that this had happened was what caused Kaneki, in his humiliation, to start sniffling quietly as he gathered his new books from the backseat.

Behind him, he could hear Hide sigh softly, and turned to face him. "'Neki, _hon_. Don't worry about it, I'll clean it up." He squeezed him close, just for a quick second, and pecked his cheek with a sweet, chaste kiss. "Go run yourself a warm bath, 'kay? You deserve it."

Kaneki nodded, relenting, and followed Hide to their shared apartment (he seemed to be walking rather protectively in front of Kaneki, at least partially hiding his stained pants, which he appreciated), starting a bath while Hide gathered paper towels and returned to the car to clean up, something Kaneki avoided thinking about too hard so as not to upset himself.

He stared into the tub as it filled, not bothering to add anything to it despite the wide assortment of aromatic bubble baths and salts they owned, and it barely occurred to him to actually undress only when it was almost full. Turning off the water, he peeled off his wet clothes, shivering as the cool air hit the sensitive, damp skin of his thighs, and ashamedly kicked them to the side before climbing into the tub, sighing softly at how warm it was; it was a welcome source of comfort to him, no matter how small.

Speaking of sources of comfort: A few minutes spent staring into empty space later, Kaneki heard a soft knock on the door—clearly Hide, back from cleaning up the mess he'd made. He murmured a soft "come in", curling up slightly, as if he was trying to hide.

Hide entered quietly and with a gentle smile, simply sitting on the floor next to the bath. He met Kaneki's eyes, the question of "is it alright for me to touch you" implicit, waiting for his nod before he reached forward and stroked Kaneki's hair gently.

"It's okay, Kaneki, it really is," he repeated, his fingers combing gently through the raven locks, a careful smile on his face, coupled with a serious, almost concerned expression. "I know you're all worried about ruining the seat or making me mad or something, but all I care about is that you're comfortable, _really_. You're more important to me than that dumb old car." Kaneki looked up at him, a wobbly something-like-a-smile forming on his face as Hide continued his reassurance. "Even if you hadn't mentioned it to me earlier, _that_ could've still happened, and it would have been completely fine. As long as you're doing what makes you comfortable, I won't ever get mad at you. Promise!" He ended with a quick kiss to Kaneki's nose as he let out a happy giggle, and Hide couldn't help but smile at the sight of his boyfriend looking much happier and more comfortable than earlier.

Hide figured that keeping him talking and distracted would be best, so, as Kaneki reached for the shampoo, he offered, "Want to talk about one of your new books or something?"

"Oh!" Kaneki's voice popped up happily. "There's this new novel I got, it's like a murder mystery—well, not _really_ a murder mystery, because everyone but one person knows who did it, but they don't know—" He continued to ramble while he washed his hair, going on a long tangent about his theories on the symbolism in the book, and though Hide, admittedly, barely listened to anything he said, but he definitely enjoyed the cheerful, passionate tone of his boyfriend's voice.

After he'd finished rinsing off his hair, Kaneki fell silent, again not meeting Hide's eyes. Sensing that he wanted to be left alone to dry off and dress, he pressed a quick kiss to Kaneki's cheek and stood. "How about I make us some coffee?" 

Kaneki gave a short nod, and Hide left the bathroom and busied himself in the kitchen, giving his boyfriend privacy to get himself comfortable in whatever way he felt was best.

As the tub drained. Kaneki dried himself off and wrapped a warm, fluffy bathrobe around himself, allowing himself a small smile at finally being dry; it didn't last long, however, as melancholy seeped back into his expression the moment he took note of the damp, crumpled ball of urine-stained clothes he'd thrown on the floor.

He couldn't just _leave_ them there, but... it was somehow embarrassing to acknowledge their existence, so he simply deposited the soiled clothes directly in the laundry room, buried under a pile of towels, rather than in the hamper like normal. Ambling to their bedroom, he dug through the dresser for a particular set of Hide's sweatshirts and sweatpants; they were soft and fuzzy on the inside, so, at this point, they were practically Kaneki's anyway.

The clothes were pleasantly gentle against his skin, and he let out a sigh that could almost be called happy at how comfortingly dry and warm they were. He padded into the kitchen, his smile widening at being greeted with a kiss on the cheek and a warm mug being placed into his hands.

"I hope it tastes okay," Hide offered sheepishly. "But I know you take it, like, cream and sugar with a shot of coffee, so the taste shouldn't matter anyway." He gave a teasing grin, and Kaneki elbowed him playfully before stirring in a tooth-rotting amount of cream and sugar. Taking a slow sip, he nodded approvingly, snickering at Hide's exaggerated sigh of relief.

Kaneki tilted his head slightly and looked up, his cheeks flushed slightly, unintentionally giving an angelic, adorable expression that made Hide's heart flutter wildly. "Can we cuddle for a bit...?" he murmured, oblivious to the effect his shy smile and wide eyes were having on his boyfriend.

"You're reading my _mind_ , Kaneki. One Hide-sized order of snuggles, coming right up."

"You're a dork," Kaneki mumbled, but leaned into his arms, reaching for the bag of books on the counter. Hide gently herded him in the direction of the couch, snuggling him close and pulling a fluffy blanket close to both of them as they sat down and Kaneki set his mug aside.

"You're perfect, you nerd," he hummed, giving Kaneki's cheek a kiss as he cracked the spine of a new novel. He promptly flushed red and opened his mouth to protest, but Hide quickly interrupted, "Shush. Perfect."

Too flustered to respond, Kaneki simply curled up against his chest, hiding his face in his book as Hide turned the TV to some absurdly cutesy shoujo, ran his fingers through his hair gently, and pressed an adoring kiss to the top of his head.

It was a little embarrassing, how easy it had been to cheer him up with a warm bath and soft clothes and sweet words and gentle cuddles, but Hide seemed to always know exactly what Kaneki needed to feel comfortable, and he wasn't about to let the steady warmth and reassurance that flowed from him constantly fade away, not when it was probably the only reason he wasn't curled up on the bathroom floor crying his eyes out right then. Besides, he'd be lying if he said he didn't enjoy this—curling up next to his wonderful, soft, warm boyfriend, wrapped in gentle, calming fabrics and knowing that whatever happened, Hide would be right there next to him, healing him with gentle words and careful touch and supporting him no matter what.

**Author's Note:**

> im so sorry you read this this is SO self indulgent
> 
> please comment as i die every day


End file.
